Personal boundaries. We all have them, it’s just that most of us don’t enforce them when it comes to those closest to us. We end up serving others and not taking care of ourselves. We get tired and feel used and unappreciated.
This is why I want to share some tips I’ve learnt throughout my years of life coaching. I’ve worked with a wide range of clients who have successfully used these tips to be true to themselves and feel better about their decision making.
1. Be Selfish
Self preservation is a key to your balance. You need to take care of you first so you can assist others. Take time to enjoy those things that are meaningful to you.
2. Exercise Open Communication
If you practice assertive, open communication you become a facilitator of communication and you are understood. If you give partial messages then it is open to interpretation and then your needs are not being met. If you are saying what you feel and what you want openly and from the heart, it makes it easier to receive and accept. When there is doubt in your communication, confusion can result.
3. Be Honest with Yourself
If you are honest with yourself and others then you can truly be there for those that matter. Do not feel like you owe people your time and energy. Best to balance yourself with being honest. The rest will follow and if others expect more of you, then you need to ensure you are being true to you.
4. Say No
Some people have a real difficulty saying “no” because they want to feel accepted, and want to help others. Over-committing yourself can make you feel overwhelmed and exhausted.
Saying no is not a big deal, remember that if you do not really want to do it, then don’t. Be diplomatic in the process and take care of your priorities. This gives you empowerment in the process, and space to do things that matter to you.
5. Limit Your Time to Serve Others
If your friends always ring you to discuss their problems and call you at inconvenient times, then you need to set some time guidelines. Say something like “Just to let you know I have only 10 minutes right now”.
This will give you a boundary so they know when it’s a good time or not. If you are always there for them this may impact your own relationships and your priorities. People sometimes don’t realise that they have done all the talking, so let them know how you feel and what you expect.
6. Avoid Negative People People
that are negative zap your energy away and leave you exhausted. They play the victim role and blame others, or events, for their predicament. Choosing not to be in their company allows you to attract positive people that are creating their lives, and enjoying the journey. Be with these people instead. They make you feel good.
7. Create Space
If you feel overwhelmed with work/relationships, or in communication, simply distance yourself a little. This will create space for you to reflect, ponder and feel engaged in the situation.
Many people that are kinaesthetic need time to come onboard with ideas, conversation, decision making. So if you need space, then let the other person know you are thinking about it and you will get back to them. You are in control of your decisions and thoughts.
8. Be Kind to Yourself
Do not expect to be there for everybody, you are not a rescuer. Give yourself a little slack to absorb the situation and be kind to yourself if it doesn’t work out.
It’s okay if it doesn’t work; don’t force the issue. It’s not meant to be. Try something else. You just need to be more creative to find a solution and it will come. This builds patience and tolerance.
9. Don’t Feel Guilty
If you have created some personal boundaries and it doesn’t feel right then say to yourself that having a boundary is not a rejection, it’s not black and white. Just see it as a shade of grey and respect that you have taken care of yourself in the process so you can focus on what is important to you and not be drawn into another person’s energy, which you know will exhaust you.
It doesn’t mean you don’t care. Actually you care so much, you have been giving all this time and now you need to take care of you.
10. Be the Person You Want to Be
If you have been the go to person your friends ring to get support and advice and you are feeling drained in the process, then change your habits. You are attracting these needy people, so become the empowered person you want to be and soon you will attract similar minded people.
{ 1 comment… read it below or add one }
This is a great article, and a great time for it to come into my inbox. At the moment, #6 is something I really needed to hear!
One of my friends is suffering from depression and while I very much want to be supportive, a lot of the time her negativity is focussed on people around her.
She makes accusations that we aren’t focussing on her enough, that we’re allowing her to be victimised by others, and that we’re selfish for choosing our own friendships if they conflict with her own.
After a while it’s hard not to take this personally, and even though I keep telling myself she can’t help it – I have to pull away for my own sanity!
I’m going to practise #1, #4, #5, #7, #8 and #9, before I’m the one who goes mad.
Thanks SNOBs. Great timing!