Four Ways to Ensure Failure

The rules of success have been defined and detailed by everyone from the philosopher Socrates to success guru Tony Robbins, yet a sense of being successful eludes most people for a significant portion of their lives. The reason for this is that although a person may yearn for success, their attitudes, behaviors and values may be keeping them in a state of failure. There are four behaviours that are common to those individuals who seem to be locked into circumstances that are less than optimal.

1. Never Set Goals or Define Benchmarks

A person who avoids setting goals is similar to a person who claims they don’t need a map to drive from the east coast to the west coast. Goals have a way of focusing attention and creating motivation. A goals act like a magnet, drawing the individual in a linear path toward it. The closer to the goal a person gets, the more momentum builds, acting as an invisible force that propels the person over the goal line.

Similarly, the path toward a goal needs to be dotted with benchmarks. Without defining the kind results one would expect to see, an individual will have no idea whether they are progressing, regressing or standing still. For example, if someone states they want to “lose weight” but never steps on the scale or takes any measurements, they will never know if they are achieving their stated goal or not. Similarly, if the person has a goal of losing 15kg over the course of one year, chooses a diet plan, weighs in once a week and checks in with their physician regularly for blood glucose and cholesterol checks, they will have continual feedback as to whether they are on the right track or not.

Starting a project without having a goal and defining a series of benchmarks turns that project into nothing more than a vacuous idea that wastes time, accomplishes little and is easily dismissed when any obstacle arises in the path.

2. Honor Symbolism over Substance

One of the most popular things to do in recent years is to stick some sort of magnetised “ribbon” on the car bumper or refrigerator door. This symbol allegedly shows that the person cares – about bringing the troops home, finding a cure for breast cancer, freeing Tibet, or whatever the cause du jour happens to be. The sentiments behind the action may be commendable, but how much freer are the Tibetans now that someone has a bumper sticker on their car? How much closer is science to finding a cure for breast cancer because Aunt Maude has a pink magnetic ribbon on her refrigerator?

Too many people believe that because they fill the back bumper of the Prius with all of these symbols, that constitutes “doing something” about the problem. When it comes to problem solving, people need to adopt the attitude of the main character in the movie Jerry Maguire and demand, “show me the money.” More importantly, show me some constructive action that paves the way for a solution. This means sacrificing time, money or other resources to advance a cause or to pursue a particular set of results. Platitudes and intentions are not substitutes for personally investing valuable resources, and a bumper sticker only moves the mountain when the car it is attached to crashes into one.

3. Blame Everyone Else For Challenges, Circumstances and Results

One reality of life is that everyone has garbage in his or her life. The difference between those who achieve and those who do not is that the successful person acknowledges that garbage, accepts the garbage as a fact of life, and moves forward regardless of its existence. The unsuccessful person uses their garbage as a reason not to proceed with their plans, blames everyone else for their garbage, and proceeds through life consumed by their envy and resentment.

Whenever a person plays the blame game, they voluntarily relinquish control over any aspects of their life. They act as though they had no responsibility for any decisions they have made, or any of the consequences of those decisions that befall them later on. They are like the bobber on a fishing line, tossed to and fro by the waves until the fisherman pulls the line in. The overt benefit of playing the blame game is that the player appears to be an innocent bystander who is the victim of “bad luck.” In many cases, this game elicits sympathy and tangible help from other people as well. The downside, however, is that the attitude of total powerlessness also leads to more sinister and serious emotional consequences. Depression, hostility and dependence are all rooted in feeling powerless; the behaviors and attitudes that evolve from these pervasive emotional states tend to be destructive, counterproductive, and tend to attract other negative people.

Failures attract other failures, who allow each other to stew in their own negative juices, further reinforcing the very attitudes and world views that keep them locked into the lifestyle of low achievement. The minute an individual owns his or her thoughts and behavior patterns is the minute that person gains the power to change those thoughts and behavior patterns. This, in turn, leads to a different set of outcomes.

4. Take All Criticism Personally

One final game that perpetual failures play is to take all criticism as a personal slam. This game serves several purposes:

• It feeds into a feeling of victimisation that also allows a person to blame everyone else for their lack of success.
• It deflects attention away from the individual’s actions or efforts, and focuses it on the person offering their opinion.
• It allows the person to quit working toward the goal on the basis that, “Nobody likes me,” rather than “My ideas and efforts may not be good enough to accomplish what I say I want to do.”

Thin-skinned people essentially believe that they should be praised and rewarded regardless of the quality of their work product. This may be because they were steeped in the misguided “self-esteem” agenda that was popularised during the 1980s in public schools or they had indulgent parents who preferred to be buddies rather than role models and mentors; whatever the reason, these people are essentially not trainable, and will blunder through life without ever learning from their errors. Look at the “blooper” contestants who audition for Australian Idol. Here are individuals who have no sense of rhythm and couldn’t carry a tune in a bucket, yet they seem genuinely hurt and offended when Kyle Sandilands et al advise them to ‘stick with their day job’. Many of them lash out verbally at the judges, who are now the enemy because their opinions did not meet the individual’s expectations.

This does not mean that all criticism should be judged as equally relevant, however. Ask another individual who has not achieved much during their time on earth his or her opinion, and you will hear every “reason” why something can’t be done and fifteen reasons why you shouldn’t even try. Between the existence of moon spots, the economy and the unceasing efforts of a vast right-wing conspiracy, these sad sacks will assure you that success just isn’t possible for “the little guy”.

The best critics are those who have already achieved the goal or dream to which the individual aspires. These people are able to offer insight and guidance that they gained during their journey that will help others avoid the perils and pitfalls they have already dealt with. Criticism can keep an individual from investing a lot of effort into methods that have already proven to be more work than worth. Rather than diminishing the person, a well crafted critique of an idea can lead to an actual plan that is stronger, better formulated and more effective overall.

I read a great book once, called Success is a Choice. Failure is also a choice, and one that is more easily made because it is effortless. The real effort comes in knowing the path you’ve chosen has led to a life of lack and limitation, and choosing to remain in that life. Failure is costly in terms of quality of life and a sense of fulfillment; the price of success seems minor by comparison.

By Jean Type