The Strength of Sherynne Smith
December 1, 2008
At SNOBS’ we believe that “success” comes in many forms. Your business might hold the highest-ranking for its industry on Google; you may have changed the lives of thousands of people, or invaluably improved the lives of just a couple. Perhaps yours is a household name amongst professionals.
But we feel there’s also great importance in acknowledging the career success of women who have achieved respect from (and status within) the business community, despite adversity.
Sherynne Smith is Relationship Manager for Hunter Business Chamber [NSW]. In person it’s easy to see why she holds the job title, with a personality vibrant as her lipstick and the confidence of a leader.
You wouldn’t guess the former fundraising coordinator [Leapfrog Ability] and I.T. solutions promoter [Sentry Networks] had turned 26 before finding her first chance to grab an education. A childhood damaged by sexual assault and an unhappy home life was followed by domestic violence in her adult life.
Of course we know this story is not the first of its kind you’ll have heard, witnessed, or experienced for yourself. But if one woman has found the strength to succeed and courage to share her story, we’d like to help her deliver it.
WARNING: POTENTIALLY DISTURBING CONTENT
When you got a chance to educate yourself, you say you were quite surprised by your own ability?
I was; my [TAFE] results showed I was in the top 13% of the population in terms of capability and I still have the piece of paper at home as proof that I am not stupid after all [laughs].
But it wasn’t funny at the time. That night I cried and cried because I felt cheated and angry with those who had put me down from a very early age; telling me l was stupid, bad and would amount to nothing.
What was life like during your school years?
I really struggled in high school; I was picked on a lot, and life at home was no better because Mum was very unhappy and that affected all of us [two sisters and two brothers].
At the time, I didn’t know I was also dealing with the physical and mental side-effects of sexual abuse, stemming from injuries that were not supposed to happen to little girls.
My parents were not the culprits but later in life I attempted to tell mum. I know now she was just too scared to do anything. It was in the days when we swept this stuff under the carpet and she had her own issues to deal with from her childhood. Therefore, my dad never knew either.
Did you finish high school?
I did but my HSC result was not worth the paper it was printed on. I got 19% in mathematics and my best subject was home science and cooking. I felt like a miserable failure, which fitted well with what I already believed about myself, but I still knew I had to find my way in the world. I scoured every shop in the main street to find a job and by 4pm I had secured a fulltime position as a checkout operator and started work the following Monday.
I remember feeling fairly happy and confident at the time but the job didn’t last because I fell pregnant and the father left me. I was seen by many as a ‘bad girl’ because I was a pregnant teenager. My little boy was such a beautiful baby but he copped the brunt of the negative treatment we received.
People were ashamed of us and I struggled as a single parent but I know in my heart I did the best I could with the poor examples I had learnt from. He never knew how much reason he gave me to live; both my boys have.
Were you coping better as a parent by the time you had your second child?
Definitely, his father and I married first and his parents were very loving and helpful. He was, and still is, a wonderful man but we were not happy together so I became a single parent again.
Eventually I entered a relationship with a man who turned out to be very violent and vicious. He would throw me around the room into walls and furniture, punch, kick and slap me. He busted my lips and eyes dozens of times, broke my ribs and my jaw, raped me when I would not comply with his sexual demands, stole my money, wrecked my belongings and car, was nasty to my kids and made our life hell.
He held a knife at my throat, a shotgun at my head and threatened to kill me if I ever left him. I could not see my family and was terrified he would go after my boys if I did not do as he said.
How on earth did you get around him for TAFE enrolment?
I’d heard about a course that was designed for women, CEW Course, which is the Certificate of Career Education for Women. Years later a male friend of mine - also a single parent - got to do the same course but it was females only when I attended.
That was the only reason I was able to convince my possessive, abusive partner to let me go. I never told him I had a male science teacher because it would have resulted in a beating, and he’d never let me go back. He was so jealous of other men that a similar thing happened when a butcher called me ‘love’.
Tell us about the Steel Magnolia Award you were nominated for?
In March each year, Lifeline Newcastle & Hunter [NSW] host an award, known as the Steel Magnolia Award that recognises a local woman who has overcome personal adversity and hardship, and given something back to her local community.
A friend of mine nominated me for the award in 2006. Ann knew me at TAFE when I lived in poverty; attempting to study and raise two teenage boys. All I owned was a pair of jeans, a flannelette shirt and two T-shirts, and she regularly saw me with busted lips and black eyes.
Ann used to encourage me to keep going when it was noticeable that things where really tough and when she saw me years later at a Hunter Business Women’s Network function she was amazed. It was the same day Pam Tierney - former Lifeline CEO - was there to promote the Steel Magnolia Award.
I’ll never forget my friend, Ann, turned to me and said, ‘Look at you; you are a Steel Magnolia and I’m going to nominate you’. It still gives me goose bumps and makes my eyes all misty when I remember those words.
Do you think your life is a success story?
Absolutely, because I’m still alive! I spent years with my life seriously threatened, I’ve taken many beatings that left me with lifelong injuries and until recently I was suicidal. I’m proud that I was able to survive long enough to rear my sons who I love very much. I said it before, I’ve not been the greatest of mothers but it is an achievement for me that they, too, are alive and now making their own way in life.
Career-wise I couldn’t be happier but my greatest achievement - and this is the real success - is that I’m now able to share my story. I truly believe this will help others be okay with what has happened to them and learn to be able to speak about it, which is very healing. My story, I hope, will teach someone who is struggling to realise that they are lovable and can find within themselves the strength to reach out and keep going.
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